Everybody Wears a Mask ( The Poem)

The girl everybody comes to,
She is  their emotional support.
The sister with the bullies,
The best friend who deserves the best.
The friends who just can’t cope,
The ones who’ve lost hope.
She seems so strong,
Seems so happy.
But everybody wears a mask,
Hers just happens to be practiced.
Sometimes the “happiest” ones,
They are the ones crying at night.
The one everybody leans on,
She can’t be the emotional wreck.
If she is an emotional wreck,
Who will hold the world’s problem’s?
Everybody wears a mask,
Hers just happens to be perfect…
10.3.12

My Emotions

Breaking down inside,
Although I don’t know why.
My emotions getting the best of me,
Could it be everyone’s pain?
Maybe a break for awhile,
From helping everyone.
The emotions and the pain,
They are taking a toll.
Maybe take time,
Time to deal with my emotions.
I can’t everyone needs me,
Their emotional support.
The bullied sister,
The hurt best friend.
Maybe I need time,
Time for my emotions.
10.3.12

Broken Mind

My mind, maybe it needs fixing,
My heart had to be.
Could it be that my broken heart,
Caused a broken mind?
Thinking all these things,
Things I don’t like about myself.
Could a broken heart,
Cause a broken Mind?
A broken mind,
Would explain emotional break downs.
Why I feel depressed,
depressed when I should be happy.
Maybe I’m a failure,
Maybe that caused my broken mind.
10.3.12

Everybody Wears a Mask

I can't be the emotional one. I have to be strong for everyone. I'm the one they come to when something is wrong, I'm the one who talks sense into them when they are hurting. I can't do all of this if I am an emotional wreck. So why is it I feel like bawling my eyes out. I feel like I just got hit with an emotional train. I don't understand it, I just randomly feel like this all of a sudden? I try to be inspirational to everyone because everyone needs at least a little inspiration in there life. And If I can be that inspiration then I will be. But I can't be said inspiration If I am an emotional wreck.. I just needed to write. It helps me feel better. One Inspiration a day will be coming back I promise. I just gotta get myself back together..

Rediculous

It’s like every time I start to get ahead, I get knocked back down.. but I’m here to say that I am not letting it get to me, I am not giving up! I will get back ahead and I will stay ahead! Mark my words!!!!

Inspiration Time!

Okay so I need some inspiration sometimes too! But I guess everybody needs it every once in a while. Well I know I forgot to do and inspiration post yesterday but I was busy working with my dad and working on that story I was telling you about. I just want to say that I think it has great potential! peace and love to everyone today and have a great day! :)

Today's Inspiration: As God's children we always have someone who loves and forgives us, even when we are the lowest we can be. We can always look up and there will be God's hand to help pull us back up the rungs!

Hmmm,, Story?

So I'm thinking of writing a story. Never really written a whole story so we will see how this goes! here is what I have so far tell me what you think!

'Deja Vu' thought Sophia. Days earlier she had a dream of a storm like the one happening tonight, and of her mom working a double shift. she just hoped the the part of her dream, depicting her mother not coming home, didnt come true. Wait, speaking of her mother, it was already 11:15 pm and her mother was not home. Just then  her brother, Jason camden, coming down the stairs said " Mom worked a double shift, and should be home any minute now." Sophia now looked worried because it was a dangerous stom, and she was terrified for he mother's life. Not only because of the nature of the storm but also because of the dream she had previously had. 

Ever since Sophia was a little girl she had had these kinds of dreams, and usually they came true. That's why this dream scared her so. The only problem was every time she told someone of her dreams, they said she was crazy, except her brother Jason. However, Jason never agreed with her in public for fear of his mother, Scarlet. Scarlet had once told Sophia that she was embarrassing her with her little stories, and if she did not stop them she would admit her to a hospital. That was when she was 10 years old, Sophia now was 21 years old. She was going to school for a degree in Criminal Psychology. Sophia was also a master of taking care of her brother who was now 11 years old, while her mom worked. Jason knew that Sophia wasn't crazy, because he saw how much her dreams scared her. He also saw how much disbelief the grown-ups showed in her stories, so someone had to believe in his sister! 

Sick... and tired...

The arguing. The yelling, screaming. Trying to live up to your expectations. It is so tiring. We were so close but you let my choices ruin that... you can't accept that im not the perfect daughter you wanted. Im not the way you think I should be. Not the way you want me to be. Well I still love you, even though you yell about everything, and get mad at me for little things. I love you so much. I looked up to you for so long, idk why, you yell all the time and stay mad a lot. It makes my head hurt to listen to it sometimes. I will admit when your not mad and yelling its great. But here lately I can't do anything right, im always wrong, always. Did you ever think that sometimes your the one wrong? No, of course not.

Beautiful Day.. You are loved!

Today is a beautiful day! I like the time between summer and fall it feels amazing outside! I'm Feeling good today, looking at school programs, and playing with the doggies! :) I think it's going to be a great day! So I think suicide awareness should be everyday, not just one day... so I started inspiration of the day, that way everyone feels loved and good about themselves! I try to make a difference in everybody's life :)

Today's Inspiration: Everyone of you are worth something, and are loved! Because guess what! I love You!

"R.I.P to tha girl you used to be"

When I graduated high school, I thought I was invincible, that I didn't need anyone to tell me what to do. I thought I could do it on my own, so I started to rebel against my parents, I guess all teens do this. The only difference is I had a sister that I loved dearly, and my parents threatened to never let me see her again. I was smoking weed, drinking, I had lost control. I was fixing to lose the car I worked so hard for, I was hanging around with the wrong crowd, because I thought it was cool. Then my parents told me that my sister was trying to follow in my footsteps, and I realized that it was not worth the future of my sister, so I sucked it up and admitted to my parents that I couldn't do it alone and needed them. I then moved home to help with my sister. Even though I was living at home, I got to where I was not talking to my friends, I was becoming depressed and I don't know why. Then I met the guy I'm with now and I started being happy again, began hanging with my best friend again, and I am here now.  So I'm saying today forward, "Rip to tha girl you used to be" From today forward you are starting new, wiping the slate clean, and moving forward. Your going to be a great person, you are no longer going to be the person you were a year ago. You have renewed your relationship with God, and you have so much going for you! :) You are a wonderful person, and you can do this.I'm finally growing up enough to realize that i need to change, and take control of my life. I started college and then didn't go back. I changed my major but haven't started in the new major. Well I have been through job after job.. cant hold one. But starting with this job I plan to keep this job at least until I finish school. I think I have finally found the guy who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I have made mends with  the best friend a girl could ever have! I can say I'm not proud of what I have done in my past, but now I am going in the direction I planned to be going after high school. I'm gonna make my family, best friend, boyfriend, and most importantly myself proud of me! I am finally going to be the woman that I decided along time ago I was going to be.

Why Me?

Why me?
You hurt me
and your family,
and what for?
and attempt at temporary pleasure?
Did it work, was it worth the price?
You have a family now, and you dont give it a second thought,
But I do. I always think about it, I always think,
Why me?

My Trust

My life its ruined,
You took away the most important thing,
my trust.
My trust in men, in love, and in you.
I'm forever scarred, forever afraid,
I'm broken and its your fault.
But looking back I realize
that now its just someone else's job.
Someone else's job to put me back together.
He will help me heal and with time
He will be able to gain that something important.
My trust.
5.27.12

I Loved You

I loved you
you were my heart
you made- up my heartbeat
I now had a reason to love
I now had a reason to feel happy again.
You put my pieces back together
you made me feel alive again.
That's why I loved you.  5.29.12

Untitled

Mary-Jane, thats what they call it.
No matter what term you use its still weed
The high is fun for awhile
It gets you away from reality, the struggles of life.
But when the high is gone your right back where you started.
Is that temporary relief worth the consequences?
losing your family, your friends? Everything you worked hard for?
The weed isnt worth that, you are worth more than that,
more than 20 bucks here, 20 bucks there, for a simple 30 minute high.
The weed just isnt worth it.. 6.27.12

Not Right Now

The thought filled my head,
a shudder of dread.
I cant do this, Im but a kid myself.
What will mama say, the rest of the family?
I cant handle this, not right now.
This should be a happy time, a joyous time.
But why am i so scared, so afraid?
between school and work I would never have time,
Not right now.
The time has come, the test, its negative.
I want a baby, just not right now.

7.14.12

Just A Memory

You said it would be fun, and it was for awhile.
You promised to make me happy,
now thats just a memory.
There was so much love, so much compassion.
there was so much chemistry, you were my best friend.
now thats just a memory.
why, I dont understand it,
we were happy, loved each other.
we were amazing, why throw it all away.
you promised me forever,
you told me i was safe,
now thats just a memory.
You told me it was okay to fall, you would catch me.
Well i have fallen and hit bottom.
Did you fall out of love? Did i do something wrong
or did the time just come for "us" to become,
Just a memory...
7.30.12

Fallen & Hurt

Would you believe, when you said forever, I believed you.
What do you know, when you said "marry me", i meant yes.
Now I look stupid, and you pretend you dont care.
Im fallen and hurt and your not there to help me.
When i said it was better as friendship,
you said best friends make the greatest lovers.
when you said I love You, I said it back and meant it.
Now I look stupid, and you pretend you dont care.
Im fallen and hurt and your not there to help me.
You walked away, left me hurt and crying
threw me away like I was nothing.
now you look stupid, and I really dont care.
when your fallen and hurt, I wont be there to help you.
7.30.12

The Guilt Is Gone

Broken and hurt, thats my reality.
You hurt me, with your games.
I was just a little girl, but you like em young.
 I didnt know any better.
You got greedy and I soon realized,
 It wasnt my fault, you were in the wrong.
It tore the family apart, when I told the stories of your pleasures.
Guilt set in for awhile, but I'm doing better now,
 that the guilt is forever gone
8.11.12



This poem, is dark because of the situation that surrounds it. I found writting about my problems helps me deal with them....

Finally Comin' together, piece by piece!

My wonderful boyfriend I was talking about!

Well, I've had my ups and downs, but through it all, I made it. I wouldnt have made it without my best friend, she has helped me through a whole bunch of crap. I love that girl to death and always will no matter what.. But my main reason for this post is just to voice the fact that I have an amazing best friend, an amazing boyfriend, and now a job. My next step in my journey is to get back into college, majoring in criminal justice, and minoring in CSI. I'm so excited to be finally taking control of my life and going where i want to in life, i am beyond so freaking happy! and on top of all that I have renewed my relationship with God , I just wanna say that I am one happy girl! :)

My bestfriend, gahhh I love this girl!

Peace & Love,
Hope